I´ve been thinking about it for a while, and allthough quitting probably will be hard, I will stop smoking. Now, not in a month, not in a week, now. It will not be easy, I know it will not, because smoking has become, for better or worse, a big part of who I am. Something that used to define me, kindoff. When I started to smoke, I thought of smokers as cool and hip, but now, they´re not. Smoking is no longer something I consider to be neither sexy or cool, or hip or whatever, and it hasn´t been for years. Still giving it up, has kind of been like giving up a part of me, I don´t know, it´s weird. I don´t want to be a smoker anymore, but I like smoking. I know it´s dangerous, but I like it. It´s nasty, but I like it. I hate it, but I love it. I´m in my own little prison here, and alltoght sometimes this prison is both safe and cosy- I will escape. It´s hard, but who said that life needs to be easy, right? Isn´t it so that the best experienses in life don´t neccessarily come easy?
I will make it. I will be a non-smoker.
I will share with you my reasons for stopping, and my fears for what life will be without smoking. Ahh.. there´s many of both, logical reasons for stopping, and stupid fears, but still- I will try to be as honest as I can, and you can judge me, or cheer me on, or if you´re a smoker too, just perhaps, maybe, be inspired to stop as well:)
I will let you know how it goes, because it is a battle. No matter what you say, if you smoked for - God, what is it now, 11 years(....) it is hard to give smoking up.But I will make it. It´s all in the head. War is on. I might take some bullets over here, but I will keep on fighting until there´s no more poison holding me down.
|from flickr-photo by Rafael Moreno Ardite|