DAY 33: MOTHERHOOD

It´s always been easy for me to imagine one day becoming a mother. It´s alwats there, in the back of my head. It´s so bound up to my feelings of what it means to be a woman, that I can´t really seperate the two. And at the same time I can. Because I´m not yet a mother. At least not a real one.
Sure, I take care of Rafaels five year old and I love Leo dearly with all my heart. But taking to my girls a while back- taking to Kirsti and Lise made me realize. I don´t have a clue. Kirsti is like the recipe for what a good mother shoud be like, and Lise... I don´t yet know what kind of a mother she will be, but if she doesn´t change,  she will do fantastic! And it´s really strange, because the little one inside her isn´t even here yet and allready she thinks like a mom. She is a mom. Strange!  The love that you feel without bounaries for your own child even before it´s born.
I think you could probably seperate the woman population of the world into two groups. The ones who do have children, and the ones who doesn´t.
It´s like those who have -has this kind of secret fellowship kind of like a club where to get an exclusive membership you need to have given birth in some way. Like what they have in common is held together with a tie so strong that no one else has the power to fight their way in. And it´s not because they´re evel or bad or anything, the clubmembers -the mothers-  it´s just simply the way it is. If you haven´t been pregnant you just don´t get a membership. Doesn´t matter how much you know about diapers or drool or babies.  
Their ties aren´t made  by threads of knowledge, it´s bound by something much more strong than that. By feelings. How it feels to be a mother. Like a common understanding of the word motherhood. That the rest of us really don´t get.

It´s always been easy for me to imagine one day becoming a mother. It´s a desire, like a secret wish to someday be included in the for now- ever so closed up sorority of motherhood.
Oh...how I want a membership. I´ll bake cakes. I promise.

1 comment:

  1. :) fint sagt vennen! du blir mamma en dag du og, og da kan du tilbake å lese dette og da skjønner du det eeendaaa mer!!! Kirsti

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