DAY 92: what if?

A while back I started following a new blog. The beautiful writer´s name is Elizabeth and her blog -Barefoot, trying to get pregnant & in the kitchen- has really taken me on a journey- so I´m following her lead and facing my biggest fear- the big "what if"


Now, it´s not like we´ve been told by anyone that we can´t make a baby. It´s just taking time, and it´s hard, even when I tell myself and my trusted friends that it´s ok, it´s hard. I´m ok with waiting though, with a baby, if I just knew that there would be one. Because, what if? What if there just isn´t? What if we don´t make it, my man and I?
My friends all say " go see a doctor, get it figured out", and I kind of did, and I kind of was. And then I stopped. Because I had to, due to some heart issues that needed to be resolved, but in truth also because it got to be too scary, I wasn´t ready to face the answers to my "what if´s"? What if we were told that something was really wrong. What if we were told that there simply would be no easy answers to the questions and hopes of us becoming parents.
Somehow it just seemed more appealing just continuing to live in the hope of just getting there naturally. Without help, just like "everyone" else. Then I read Elisabeths blog. And it woke me up. Why should I feel embarrassed, like less of a woman just because we´re having issues with my tummy not cooperating? Why shouldn´t we get help. 
Why should we be scared of unwanted answers that may never come when looked for aswers are actually a bigger possibility? The truth is that I never really looked into it either. The statistics. I was scared to. Like knowing where we stood would make everything even worse. But it has changed. I have changed, and I feel that I kind of owe it to you too, Elisabeth, you and all girls who´s trying out there to at least get checked out since it´s basically free over here in good old Norway. You guys are saving money and having to deal with so much adding to the heartache of wishing and hoping, so what excuse do I really have not to do check it out when it´s made so easy do here. Is it all due to my fears? Well, then- that´s what my project is all about, right? Growing, facing fears and overcoming them. So I will! I made a new appointment with my doctor, and we´re starting the journey.
Facing fears and getting answers.
Like Elisabeth, I send my love to all of those who struggles with/to over some infertility-  you have my love. Also, I have to include this amazing video, made by Keiko Zoll. Please watch it and help raise the knowledge of infertility.

2 comments:

  1. You go girl!! og jeg er der for deg heeeele veien og krysser alt som kan krysses!!
    Kirsti

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  2. Sweet Renate, you are so brave. Generous in your sharing and so so so tremendously brave! Monica

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