DAY 188: motivated to get motivated?

You know it´s true. That if you stick to something for a sertain period of time - whatever you´re sticking to will become easier and give results. It´s like Murphys law. Still we choose to break it

as my 90 day´s program is coming to and end I have to admit; keeping motivated is rough. Tough. And allthough I would abseloutly love to tell the tale of success, I have to bend. I jumped off. So to say. I didn´t make my 90 days of "sticking to it".  But I was close.
Despite all my initial motivation, motivation eventually rubbed off as sunscreen on a sandy beach. And so so close to the end as well. I was almost there, and then just "pfhufff..." . The air went out. The "sticing to it" made no sence anymore. I wasn´t going to make it anyway, so why stay true to the end?
it´s no use I told my reflection as she looked back at me. We had just met after a short shower, and even though I smiled at her, she just grinned back - I told you so, she said. You thought you would make it , but I - I knew we were headed for failure right from the start.. You were so motivated, she continued- like always, but I knew better. Why did you even bother to go for it in the first place, she asked, with the same look on her face that she always keeps whenever something doesn´t go our way. She run her hand through her hair and slowly tilted her head as mine followed. Her eyes checking out my body, looking for mistakes and horrors- It´s better though... right..I said. Asking, as my eyes were forced to follow hers. At the same time knowing she would disagree. Smiling at my reflection, I continued- you know what? It is better. Everything is better, whatever you say. Everything is better, and even though you think you can, you can´t stop me from going for it again. I will make it. 
I stuck my tounge out in a grimace and turned the light off as I left her in the bathroom.
For 90 days I was supposed to work out every day, not use money for anything I didn´t desperately need and I was going to eat healthy. I was. I did and I will continue, even tough my project has come to an end, I will continue. It started out so, so good. I had a plan, I felt motivated like never before and I sat out to a great journey so ready so eagering to see the outcome. And the outcome is great, all considered. I kind of quit the project after 70 days or so. Not like "stop" quitted. I quitted slowly, bit by  bit and now- it´s all over. It ended. And I learned. Staying motivated is truly hard. Even when you know that if you just stick to it, it will all be great. it is hard. But maybe, with exercise it gets better? Can you train your ability to stick to a plan?I think you can. I think it possible to stick to motivation and see projects true.You just have to find your own path. What way you fins possible to walk down without looking for shortcuts. There will be no more shortcuts. A new plan is taking shape. I´m gonna do it Jerry Seinfeld style- I won´t break the chain. ever again! set the stakes high!
more to come...

1 comment:

  1. ahhh, beautiful sister, don't underestimate everything you DID accomplish in these 90 days!! You are amazing for constantly trying to challenge yourself and always wanting to be your best self! I am always so proud of you, inspired by you, and cant't wait to take on new and exciting projects with you! Together, we will get MONtivated!! hahaha :) Love you sweet soul sister. Happy Easter!!!!!!


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