On repeat, the tunes accompanying Dylan's famous words of change keep running through my mind today. Over and over again I hear him sing of change and changing. Of acceptance and the importance of having the will to change. I do have the will. I embrace change. Still, it always leaves me with an empty feeling of loss and confusion. Of having to restart, rethink and re dream dreams all ready dreamt. And maybe that´s it. Part of it. Of why it feels ... kind of empty. Giving up dreams is sad, weird. Strange. No matter the size or the likelihood of whether your dreamt dreams would come true or not it seems like.
We´re moving, Rafael, Leo and I. From the countryside to the city and everything is changing. The rules of engagement kind off. And although we´re only moving an hour away from where we currently are, although I know it will be for the better, I´m grieving. I feel sad. Like I´m berrying dreams and hopes I spent time making myself believe could actually come true. In the moment forgetting that perhaps better dreams are about to take their place, I´m grieving. And it´s OK. For a moment, right?..
Change..The guitar and Dylan's voice is unwrapping the truth and making it all come real today. While packing up our life's, getting ready for the leap, his steady, rusty voice fills me with hope. Change is good.
Looking out the window, seeing the big drops of snow slowly falling from the sky, I know that change isn´t constant either. It´s a comfortable feeling actually. Knowing that this too shall pass, that one day todays feeling off loss will be replaced with a feeling ... greatness.. maybe?
I will miss having my mom and dad so close. I will miss our cat, the cosy fire in the fireplace, the view, the quietness. My best friend being 10 minutes away. The surprise visits from my brother and his family. The roses, our wonderful garden. The opportunity to go visit the forest often. Our neighbours. Moms dinners. Dads need to check that everything is fine.
I will miss it all. and keep it dear.
There´s no replacing family or the wonderful feeling of having my soul sister so close. But the rest.. the rest can change into something better.
Times they are a changing